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UPA-A Paddle Alert: Is It Time to Retire Your Paddle? (Here are the signs...)

UPA-A Paddle Alert: Is It Time to Retire Your Paddle? (Here are the signs...)

PLUS: Wife-murderer plays pickleball and it doesn't go well + CIBC Line-Up

March 12, 2025

Good evening, picklers.

This is The Pickle Talk, the pickleball newsletter that’s more satisfying than the obligatory squeeeeze you give bags of marshmallows when shopping for your weekly groceries.

Guilty as charged.

Here’s what’s on the docket today:

Pickle Talk: UPA-A Paddle Alert: Is It Time to Retire Your Paddle?
Bite-sized: A Trophy Like No Other & How To Watch The CIBC Texas Open
Golden Pickle: The CIBC Texas Open Line-Up

PICKLE TALK

🚨 UPA-A Paddle Alert: Is It Time to Retire Your Paddle?

So a quick public service announcement: The UPA-A just dropped some new paddle “guidance”—and no, they’re not coming for your favorite worn-out weapon (yet).

Key word: Guidance.

Here’s the thing: if your paddle is looking (or sounding) a bit rough on the courts and not acting like it’s old self, it might be time to send it to the great pickleball court in the sky. (yes, Pickleball Heaven exists)

Just to be clear, this isn’t an official rule. But it’s strong guidance (official release inside) to keep competition fair and paddles performing as they should.

🔍 Signs Your Paddle might be* Head For Pickleball Heaven

If your paddle is showing any of these signs, it’s probably time for a replacement:

✅ Cracking – Any visible cracks on the face, edge guard, throat, or handle. (Your paddle shouldn’t look like it survived a bar fight…even if it did. Don’t worry, you’re secret is safe with us.)

✅ Crunching – Squeeze your paddle. If it makes a weird crunching sound, the internal structure is breaking down. Decomposing. Not a good sign.

✅ Rattling – Shake it real good. If it sounds like a maraca, there’s loose material inside.

If your paddle checks any of these boxes, it’s not just a bad paddle—it’s a competitive disadvantage.

And disregarding any of these signs means your next losses are your fault. Blunt, but true.

🔥 The Bottom Line

Here’s the thing. The UPA-A wants everyone—players and manufacturers—to keep things fair by retiring paddles that are past their prime.

Don’t feel bad. Frame it, put it in a glass case and give it the recognition it deserves.

But come on…your game deserves better than a busted paddle.

🚨 Pickleball Smackdown: Scott Peterson Gets Wrecked in Prison

Scott scary Peterson—yeah, that Scott Peterson—just learned the hard way that prison pickleball isn’t for the weak.

Here’s the break down.

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Sources tell TMZ that the infamous wife-killer got into a heated altercation at Mule Creek State Prison this past Sunday. The reason?

He hit a pickleball too hard. 🤦‍♂️

🏓 The Play-By-Play

✅ Peterson allegedly smashed the ball right at another inmate.

✅ That inmate wasn’t having it—and handed Peterson a beatdown.

✅ Peterson got “roughed up,” but not enough to land him in the hospital.

Moral of the story? Don’t tick off your doubles partner…especially in prison. (otherwise you might be meeting your hole-in-the-ground sooner than anticipated)

🏛️ (JUST IN CASE) A Quick Recap of Peterson’s Crimes

For those who need a refresher, Peterson was convicted in 2004 for murdering his wife, Laci Peterson, who was 8 months pregnant at the time.

Her body—and that of their unborn child—was found in San Francisco Bay after she was reported missing on Christmas Eve in 2002.

Peterson was sentenced to death, but in 2020, the California Supreme Court overturned his sentence due to juror misconduct.

Now, he’s serving life without parole instead.

BITE-SIZED PICKLES of the day 👀

1/ Trash into Trophy 🏆

Championship Sunday = history in the making. 🙌 But this time, it’s not just about the winners—it’s about what they’re holding. (thanks for modeling ALW)

For the first time ever at the Cape Coral Open the past week, the champions lifted a 100% sustainable trophy, crafted by Upstream Trophies and powered by Veolia, the official sustainability partner of the PPA Tour. ♻️

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What makes it special?

🔥 Upcycled acrylic body – because waste deserves a second shot, too.

🔥 Bio-based 3D-printed base – the future is here, and it’s eco-friendly.

🔥 Veolia’s signature red bands – repping water, waste, and energy management.

Pickleball’s future? Sustainable. And today’s champions aren’t just winning a title—they’re making a statement. 🌍🏆

2/ 👑 ANNA LEIGH WATERS: STILL UNSTOPPABLE

33rd Triple Crown. 39 medals in a row. ZERO signs of slowing down. (oh, hey Serena)

Yeah, we get it—another tournament, another Anna Leigh W. But if dominance is boring, then call us bored to death.

🎾 CAPE CORAL ALW DOMINATION: BY THE NUMBERS

🔹 Singles: 5 opponents. 5 straight sweeps. 110-37 combined score. Her opponents averaged 3.7 points per match. (Yikes.)

🔹 Mixed Doubles: Ben Johns + ALW = easy mode. Their hardest match? Round of 64 vs. qualifiers. After that, they didn’t drop a game until the finals.

🔹 Women’s Doubles: Catherine Parenteau & ALW = double pickle energy. First-round victims? Bobbi Oshiro & Katerina Stewart, who got sent home with a big fat zero.

Total match score? 123-58. Never lost a game all weekend.

🏆 THE MOST INSANE STAT

REFRESHER: The last time Anna Leigh didn’t medal? June 2, 2024.

Since then? 39 straight medals.